Trailer

Es inevitable  al ir cumpliendo años eliminar de la lista profesiones de esas que a uno le dijeron de niño que podría ser. Un ejemplo clarísimo: cumples 25 años y no has desfilado por ninguna de las pasarelas de las capitales de la moda; ya puedes ir haciendo un examen de conciencia, despedirte de los Balenciaga gratis y de la semana de moda en la Cibeles. No, no vas a ser top model por muy buena y apta que estés. Mejor que te lo diga alguien anónimo en un blog que alguna de esas tías crueles que van a visitar a tu madre y que de paso te dicen que has engordado. Lo mismo pasa con los deportistas de elite, tienes 28 años, dejas tu trabajo de Project Manager y recién te vas a poner a entrenar para el equipo de natación, a lo mejor eres fuerte y el mejor de tu gimnasio pero vas tarde. Las otras personas que compiten en las olimpiadas tienen un camino largo de una adolescencia zanahoria madrugando para entrenar. Cuando los entrevistan dicen que entienden que su vida no es normal pero que ha valido la pena. Yo creo que no tienen manera de saber si ha valido la pena, como no hay manera para nosotros de saber que se siente ser un deportista de elite, en este punto.

Claro que habrá  ejemplos que algúnsacado de http://www.revistaviajar.es simpático optimista  que muy amablemente nos exponga cuando tengamos estos ataques de honestidad en público,  después de todo, la esperanza es un factor importante en nuestra supervivencia, pero seamos realistas la cosa se complica y se complica especialmente cuando cumples 30 años. A mí me pasó, yo tenía una teoría ilusa de que había elegido bien la escritura. Yo de pelada tenía claro que quería ser arqueóloga y escritora; todos en mi entorno sabían que yo iba a ser escritora porqué no había manera de que, en mi torpe anda , me suba a un árbol sin caerme. Fui viviendo con esa certeza y además con paciencia: no pasa nada que no sepa puntuar eso es lo más difícil lo aprenderé con el tiempo, no voy a cobrar ya que aun no soy buena ni conocida, voy a emborracharme con los escritores de mi generación y nos vamos a escribir cartas larguísimas y bellas sobre nuestro arte, también nos pelearemos, estudiaré letras (aunque la verdad es que estudie ciencias sociales)  voy a viajar para conocer el mundo y poder escribir, voy a vivir de la escritura, voy a ser más pobre que una rata (guiño a una novela del Javier Cercas en la que siempre decía esto y que justo leí en esta época de mi vida por lo que me quede totalmente identificada) voy a vivir mi ciudad desde las tripas, voy a colarme en los buses, el metro y robarme los libros que me gustan, voy a llevar una libreta con apuntes y un diario, y sobretodo no voy a recurrir al recurso de la enumeración para escribir, ya que ese es un vicio muy ochentero. Lo tenía clarísimo, un escritor a los 24 es un pelado, no hace nada. Se tiene que cumplir 60 para ser un crack, estaba todo calculado y en el cada día he tenido presente mi proyecto en todas las mañanas.

Es decir, no sé como chuchas llegue a este punto.

Se puede decir que fue eso de la pobreza, pero no siento que he vendido nada en el camino y sin embargo llevo un par de años que no escribo un texto decente, no logro terminar ni un cuento, ni me gusta mínimamente nada de lo escribo. Estoy en el vilo de dejar mi niñez de “deportista de elite” o quizás ser escritor es una huevada más complicada y menos romántica de lo que me imaginaba.

Hemingway, uno de mis grandes amores platónicos dice una frase hermosísima sobre cuando uno se queda parado, el se calmaba diciendo:

All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence you know.

Me voy a tomar la vida desde sus partículas, iré oración por oración. Sujeto, verbo, predicado. Esos son mis orígenes, los incorporo a mi presente, no me quejo de esta vida “aburguesada” estoy en paz y no voy a llorar porque tengo 30 años estoy viva y ahorro para que mi cuerpo no sufra. Por las tardes a veces llego muy cansada del trabajo, la cerveza engorda demasiado y ya no me gusta el whisky barato. He llegado a este punto sin planearlo  y no soy la nueva Basquiat de la literatura latinoamericana, créanme me he enamorado de un par de Warhols, pasó a los siguiente.

 

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